Weight
Ever since the summer of 1988 I have battled with my weight. That summer I was moving from Junior High to High School and most of my best friends would be going to a different school than I was. I got very depressed over the summer because I was not good at making new friends and was not looking forward to school starting in the fall. So all I did was sit around, watch TV, be depressed and eat. I gained 30 lbs over those 3 months and my tenth grade picture looked like an over blown balloon.
Since then I have battled many more emotional roller coasters. Sometimes my depression so overwhelmed me that I just didn’t even want to go on. Since I had lost all hope, eating and being lazy was the only thing I found comfort in. I crawled out of depression and fell back into it many times over the years. I struggled with all sorts of emotional issues besides depression. Anger, anxiety, fear, and no self-esteem topped the list. I would like to say that I battled with my weight the whole time too, but that would be lying. I battled with the bad things about being overweight but I never really put much fight into losing weight. As I said, food, mainly junk food, was my comfort.
Since I am, I was going to say WAS, but, like an alcoholic, I will always be an emotional eater, I have decided to first work on the core issue of my weight problem, my emotions. I have been doing that for the past several months. I have figured out how to suppress my depression, which is awesome. I can actually smile now without feeling like something’s wrong. My anxiety and fear is mostly under control and I have found a lot less things to be angry about. Sure, I’ll still get mad if my kids deliberately disobey, or something like that, but the anger I held inside for so long is no longer there. I get mad, get over it and go on. But, most importantly, my self-esteem is greater than it’s ever been. I can’t say it’s perfect, but it’s getting there. I believe now that I am worth it.
So, now that I’ve worked through a lot of these emotional things, I think I’m ready to tackle the physical part of losing weight. I don’t have any extra $, so if you’re suggesting any “fancy” weight loss program, it’s out of the question. But, I have started doing a few minutes of stretching and yoga every morning and am trying to fit more water into my day. Those are my two main goals right now. I’m going to try to go slow and take baby steps. I know that trying to go all gung ho doesn’t work for me because I always crash and burn, then don’t want to try again. I’m not going to be weighing myself unless I can feel significant changes. But I will not eat emotionally anymore, I do know that. And, if I keep adding healthy goals every week and stick to them I think I will start looking and feeling better, which is my main goal. I want to be a healthy person inside and out and feel great about who I am.
