Chris

In two days from now my little boy will be Fifteen years old. I can't believe it. People often look at my family and say, "Wow! You have a lot of girls!" But, it was Chris who started it all.

15 years ago was a crazy time in my life and when Chris came along it kind of added to the craziness, but in a good way. Being a new mom was so scary. Even though I had grown up the oldest of four, I really had no idea how to care for a baby. My mom helped out a lot at first, but then left me on my own, for the most part, to take care of my sweet baby. My brother, Ben, also helped out a lot during those first few months, which I am grateful for.

When Chris was younger he struggled with health issues such as food allergies and eczema. It was quite a challenge, but he was a trooper most of the time. Chris is one of the sweetest boys I know, even though he now towers over me at 5'10". I am so proud of the things he has accomplished and the young man that he has grown in to be. I don't know what I would do without him in my life.

Weight

Weight

Ever since the summer of 1988 I have battled with my weight. That summer I was moving from Junior High to High School and most of my best friends would be going to a different school than I was. I got very depressed over the summer because I was not good at making new friends and was not looking forward to school starting in the fall. So all I did was sit around, watch TV, be depressed and eat. I gained 30 lbs over those 3 months and my tenth grade picture looked like an over blown balloon.

Since then I have battled many more emotional roller coasters. Sometimes my depression so overwhelmed me that I just didn’t even want to go on. Since I had lost all hope, eating and being lazy was the only thing I found comfort in. I crawled out of depression and fell back into it many times over the years. I struggled with all sorts of emotional issues besides depression. Anger, anxiety, fear, and no self-esteem topped the list. I would like to say that I battled with my weight the whole time too, but that would be lying. I battled with the bad things about being overweight but I never really put much fight into losing weight. As I said, food, mainly junk food, was my comfort.

Since I am, I was going to say WAS, but, like an alcoholic, I will always be an emotional eater, I have decided to first work on the core issue of my weight  problem, my emotions. I have been doing that for the past several months. I have figured out how to suppress my depression, which is awesome. I can actually smile now without feeling like something’s wrong.  My anxiety and fear is mostly under control and I have found a lot less things to be angry about. Sure, I’ll still get mad if my kids deliberately disobey, or something like that, but the anger I held inside for so long is no longer there. I get mad, get over it and go on. But, most importantly, my self-esteem is greater than it’s ever been. I can’t say it’s perfect, but it’s getting there. I believe now that I am worth it.

So, now that I’ve worked through a lot of these emotional things, I think I’m ready to tackle the physical part of losing weight. I don’t have any extra $, so if you’re suggesting any “fancy” weight loss program, it’s out of the question. But, I have started doing a few minutes of stretching and yoga every morning and am trying to fit more water into my day. Those are my two main goals right now. I’m going to try to go slow and take baby steps. I know that trying to go all gung ho doesn’t work for me because I always crash and burn, then don’t want to try again. I’m not going to be weighing myself unless I can feel significant changes. But I will not eat emotionally anymore, I do know that. And, if I keep adding healthy goals every week and stick to them I think I will start looking and feeling better, which is my main goal. I want to be a healthy person inside and out and feel great about who I am.

Stop

Stop

By: Mary Westberg

Nov 30, 2011

Crowded stores , last minute shopping

Things to make and go and do

Shipping, decorating, wrapping

Baking cookies , just a few.

People say to stop and smell

The roses when they are in bloom

Yet forget to stop and smell the

Pine tree in their living room.

We get  wrapped up in the noise

Of Jingle bells and Santa’s call

We forget to listen to the

One who’s birth began it all.

Take a minute, take an hour

Close your eyes and breathe it in.

Feel the stillness of the season

Let the peacefulness begin.

Comparing

As a mom, sometimes it's hard not to compare with other moms and their families, at least for me it is. I see other kids who have more of the latest and greatest than my kids do and I feel bad. As a parent you want to be able to provide your children with all that they desire. You want them to be happy and fit in with their friends. You want so much for them that even on an unlimited salary, it's almost impossible. So, I've decided to list the things that I do provide for them and it made me feel a whole lot better.

1. They have a home to go to to escape all the craziness of the world.

2. They have loving parents who are there for them to listen and guide them.

3. They have sufficient food, shelter and clothes to wear.

4. They are blessed with the gospel in their lives to guide them through tough times.

5. They have each other. Even though they drive themselves crazy sometimes, they also enjoy playing and fooling around and will always have the best of friends in their sisters and brother.

6. They are generally happy most of the time. Yeah, they might fight and argue occasionally, but they do not have major life problems to deal with such as having abusive or neglectful parents.

7. They are all very smart and independent.

8. They all have an awesome sense of humor which helps out, especially in tough times.

During this time of Thanksgiving I would be remiss if I did not express my gratitude for having been blessed with such awesome children and the things that I AM able to provide for them.

Wallow

I used to wallow in self-pity,

wallow sink and drown.

From where I sat, there couldn't be

a sadder life around.

No one I knew was punished,

made to suffer just like me.

I often played the role of tortured

victim to a tee.

Then, suddenly, one day I stood

and washed off all the mud

of misery and no esteem.

It was nothing but crud.

I realized I was the one

who made my life so sad.

I could no longer blame it on

experience I'd had.

I let the misery flow down,

then walked out of my pen.

I vowed that I would never let

it weigh me down again.

My life did not get easier,

in fact it's now more full.

Though, full, I see with open eyes

my life is beautiful.

Sesame Street and Teenage Boys

Sesame Street and Teenage Boys

By: Mary Westberg

November16, 2011

Elmo singing ABCs

Cries of ," Mom, he now hates me!"

Adding numbers, singing songs

Teaching them that hitting's wrong.

Changing diapers, checking grades

Cleaning up the messes made.

Could be Cheerios or mud,

Marker on the wall or blood.

Having sit downs with my son

communicating one on one.

Things he says widen my eyes.

I give advice I hope is wise.

It's so bizzare being a mom

to ages of fourteen to one.

Diversity is my forte'

I'd not have it another away.



Pretty

Last night at my writer's group I attempted to write a story. It wasn't a fiction story or anything, just a story of something that happened to me when I was five. I got all good comments on it, but it just didn't feel right to me. I'm not good at writing stories. I'm not good at describing scenes and smells and all that. I don't know how to make things pretty with words like some people do. I guess I got envyous and wanted to try. But my experience reminded of an episode of ,"Two Broke Grils" A waitress made homemade cupcakes and someone told her that they were not pretty enough. So she worked for hours, as I did, trying to make one pretty. She finally did it, but also realized that she doesn't "do" pretty. She likes her cupcakes the way they are. I don't do pretty either. I write poetry and comment on life's messes, which are usually anything but pretty.

I will now share with you the story I wrote, with all the "pretty" parts taken out....

When I was five years old I didn't know how to tie my shoes. My mom had tried teaching me, but we both got impatient with the process. One day, in kindergarten, I was sitting, trying to listent to my teacher tell a story, but I kept getting distracted. It was a boring story. I noticed my shoe was untied.

At home, when I needed my shoe tied I put my shoe on my mom's knee and she tied it. So that's just what I did. I put my dirty tennis shoe on my teacher's clean, white pants knee so she could tie my shoe. She screamed and yelled at me. I got so embarrased from her screaming and everyone laughing that I ran and hid under a table.

That's it. No frill. Just the facts, ma'am.

Peer Pressure

This is a picture of me and Chris when he was 6 months old. Since then I have had 5 more babies. I have been a mother for almost 15 years. Reflecting back on it, there is a lot that I've learned, a lot that I've relaxed on and realized that there is so much more I have yet to learn.

My two oldest are teenagers now and that brings a whole other level of parenting to the picture I never prepared myself for. Taking care of babies and little kids is one thing. Feeding, changing, bathing, etc. It's all very physically challenging. It is hard, believe me, running after toddlers and teaching young kids the difference between right wrong. Having so many kids at so many different ages, I'm still doing those things today. But, having teenagers is so very different.

I always thought, teenagers would be hell because of their mood swings and going through puberty. This was all I had been told from older parents. This is true but I, myself deal with frequent mood swings, so the moodiness doesn't get to me too much. It's helping them deal with life and growing up that seems to be the hardest. Peer pressure, especially living in a small town, is very real and very difficult to deal with for both them and me. It's not always to do something "bad", but just to do something because "everyone else" is. I want to teach my children to stand up for themselves and be proud of who they are because we are all different and blessed with different talents and personalities for a reason.

Growing up I was very different than those around me and can understand how they feel. They just want to fit in. They just want to be like everyone else. I want them to know that it's natural to want to fit in, but being yourself is the most important thing there is. I want them to know that I love them for who they are and hope that they can love themselves for who they are too. I have 4 more kids to become teenagers and I hope and pray that we can all get through this critical stage of teenage hood fairly well.

Re-evaluating...again

        Yesterday I was chatting with a friend and it caused me to evaluate a few things in my life....again. I am such a "figure outer". I can't even count the times I've tried to fix myself. And, believe me, there's plenty of stuff to fix. There's a perfect example right there. Talking negative about myself. But that's not what I wanted to talk about today.

       Lately I've been very overwhelmed with my life. 6 kids, 7 pets, blah, blah,blah. Everyone's heard it all before. I'm not complaining, just stating that it's overwhelming me. So, during this conversation with a friend, I realized that I tend to find things to distract me away from my responsibilities. I add on more so I don't have to deal with what  I have already on my plate. Or I run away to the TV or the comptuter and try to ignore the overwhelming storm of my life. Funny, I'm at the computer now, but this time it's different. Makes me think of when you're watching TV and a commercial comes up to tell you to stop watching TV and go outside and play. Kinda ironic.

       Anyway, so, I'm going to try to face my life head on. It's really scary ad I'm actually tearing up right now as I think about it, but I gotta do it. I asked for this life, so I gotta live it. I will be blogging every once in a while to report on my progress. But, other than that, my computer time will be limited. My house and my family need me. Thanks for listening.

Gettin' lazy

Ok, I was doing real well, with going to my 6am workouts M,W & F and getting a good rhythm on doing my laundry. Since my dryer is still busted, I had to hang up my clothes. Not an easy task. Especially since I do not have a clothesline and had to drive a few blocks to use a neighbor's.

All of that really wasn't too bad. Like I said, I had a good rhythm going, and was feeling pretty good. But then I got lazy. I missed a day of exercise, then, I don't know why, but got distracted away from my laundry. This caused my laundry to sit for a few days. Then I missed another day of exercise. This resulted in me turning into my teenagers during the summer. I stayed up late, and slept in a LONG time. Since most of my kids are older they could take care of themselves in the morning while I slept, and I was very lucky that my baby slept as long as I did. This didn't make it right, though.

I figured that if I blog about my slacking as a mom, it will get me back on track. Tomorrow's Wed, so it's back to my workout and as soon as I'm done typing I will get off of my butt and do some laundry that is now WAY behind!!

Inspiration

I was trying to come up with an appropriate title for my blog. I came up with many before settling on the one I did, and I will tell you why.

As my mind was racing, trying to be creative, I turned my head and literally saw a river of red kool-aid running across my kitchen floor. I was kinda shocked, but not terribly surpised. Looking for the origin of the river, I opened the refrigerator and found this container, which someone had gotten a drink out of, but left in the "open" position, allowing red kool-aid to drip down into the fridge and out the door, since they didn't close that all the way either, and all through my kitchen.

Now, the reason I was not super surprised was being, having a house full of 6 kids I'm not really surprised by much that happens, no matter how insane they may be. In a way, kinda glad it happened, cuz it gave me a cool title for my new blog.

First Post

I thought, since I'm tweeting and FBing, I should join the 21stcentury and add a blog. In thisblog I will add my thoughts, photos, jokes, dreams, inspirations, whatever comes to mind at the time. I hope you enjoy it.